My Life right now…

I’ve been trying to figure out what I wanted to write about as I’ve had to deal with a lot in the past recent months. I try to not air all of my dirty laundry for the world to see but I’m tempted as its been weighing heavy on me. There are people who would be really upset if I posted online about the issues I face daily. It truly does limit me and how I don’t get the chance to talk about what people have done to me as of libel or slander. Seriously that has been said to me recently. But I can keep it vague as possible without revealing personal details or even things I know people wouldn’t want me to say. I want to tell the world what I deal with because its quiet lonely when people are wanting you to sit down and shut up.

Major things I deal with my life right now –

  1. New role at work. I won’t say anything about my job other than I’m glad to have made the move. I was not in a role I enjoyed at all. My new role is a better fit and I feel more confident at work.
  2. A guy that tried to cause problems with me is finally leaving me alone. That’s all I can say about that other the hypocrisy that people can trash talk him all day long about being lazy, taking advantage of others, and being stupid but if I say these things I’m automatically being told I’m slandering him. Just me and no one else, which I actually did not say these things, others were saying I did. Luckily I don’t see him literally barely at all anymore, it’s actually been great as to not be around someone who caused so much drama in my life. And let me clarify I left that as vague as possible. But I need to learn to be okay if I ever do have to be around him. I don’t think he’s going to be bothering me ever again. Fingers crossed.
  3. Another guy who I thought was my friend, I have learned that he hasn’t changed and that I have. It treated me like crap for days. I literally watched him caused unnecessary suffering. Almost looked like it was resentment. Like he resents that I try to make our relationship work and that I love him. It’s awful to see that you’re loving someone is actually make them a bad person. Bruh we’re not in a serious relationship, if you’re acting like that right now then I need to move on because it’s never going to change.
  4. I’m not taking 3 all too well. I’ve spent years trying to make things right. I’ve tried everything but at the end of the day if someone doesn’t want to be with you they just don’t. So there’s no more reason to hang on to it anymore. It really hurts though. I even try to be as completely honest with him as much as possible. I’ve told him things I didn’t even want to. I put my heart into it. I tried to convince myself it would all work out. I’m hoping I’m okay after a day of sitting in my pity. I’ve made sure to cry when I need to.
  5. My health isn’t all too great right now, its making me panic just a bit too. I’m worried its something that I have no control over. I really want to get my weight down as I think it would help a lot of the issues I have. I need to come to terms that I just can’t eat anything I want anymore at all which sucks the most but I really don’t want my health to spiral out of control.
  6. I don’t have a lot of friends and days I’m okay with this because I’m just trying to better myself. But I also kind of would like some more people in my circle.

I would love to write my story and tell the world but I know I can’t do that. I have to shut up and sit down as I have no leg to stand on. I wish I had more positive people in my life but they say you attract those similar to you. This has me worried because I’m growing older the less drama I want to deal with.

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