Weight Loss with Supplements

*this is for personal use only, not to be used as an official documentation or references; please always speak with your provider before making any dietary or health related changes*

In 2019, I was diagnosed with subacute thyroiditis. Months before I had gained up to 50lbs and felt like I had the flu everyday. I would be so tired all the time. My neck was even slightly swollen yet my ultrasound did not show anything major going on. For the past two years I have been working towards finding the right numbers, I have yet to reach optimal thyroid levels. It’s quite frustrating. I personally think that if I could lose some of my weight and eat better then it would help my thyroid. I’ve been working on my mental health too.

Well my biggest issue with any diets is I trouble with sticking to them. I’m going to be real, I get lazy and give up. I know not to overeat and to be careful about what I eat but I still struggle with it. I do have to say I eat a lot better than many years before me but some of that is because my stomach struggles with a lot of foods now. My favorite diet was keto diet but the cooking everyday and cleaning for a single person was becoming too much work. It’s a constant battle for me, if only I was rich enough to have my own home chef. With that being said, I am trying to find something that will help me a bit more to be able to stick to any diet I follow. I really just need my appetite to decrease.

I looked more into trying Glucomannan (a dietary fiber found in shitake noodles), it is a fiber that you take when you eat before a meal that expands in your stomach during digestion so you feel more full. There is no current FDA studies to prove that it helps with weight loss but in theory it should help with fullness to help with overeating. Along with taking vitamin D to help with my thyroid.

I am trying another experiment. Keto BHB help my appetite and I’m hoping glucomannan help also. I will only be weighing myself twice a week (monday morning and friday morning). I’m hoping to see some progress. I’m currently starting a new job so when that get’s more steady schedule then I’ll work towards working out everyday again. I’ve been doing at least 2-3 miles walks every weekend.

I will adding the results when I have some. But from my research, the glucomannan is expected to cause 5.5lbs lost in eight weeks with no changes to diet or exercise. I’m looking forward to seeing some result good or bad.

Keeping up with life

Recently I started a new job and I am loving it. So many green flags and not that many red flags. Its the first job I’ve had were I actually feel like I’m in the right position. I also work with a great team so that’ll help also. I’m really hoping that after training everything will finally fit and come together. Its funny because this is the first time I don’t feel stressed about my job and I’m enjoying the present. Not worrying about the future….

As for my health, I could do better. I recently figured out that I’ve let my soda habit get a bit out of control. I don’t know why but I really don’t like drinking just water. That is something I’ve struggled with all my life. I can’t help but to think my water consumption has played a part in my obesity. Well lack of water. I know I struggled with inflammation by eating high carbs and processed food but I also feel like I am someone who mistakes thirst for hunger.

Now I’m currently trying to clean up my apartment and get rid of majority of my things. I have too much for a single person. I have so much useless junk in my apartment it’s starting to annoy me. I’m hoping by cutting down on the junk it’ll make my life just a bit easier.

As for my eating, I’m thinking of going back to goal achieving. I don’t want to live a life where I just go to work and come home. I want to try to different things every night. I am a zombie when I get home, I change into comfy clothes and sit down to watch tv. I don’t want to do that everyday anymore. I’m okay with the tv playing in the background but I would like to work focusing my time and energy on more productive things. I get I use the down time as a coping mechanism but I’m not really coping when I’m not dealing with things.

Getting over my cleaning issue. I don’t know why but I absolutely hate cleaning all the time. Part of it is my adhd because I’m quite messy but some of it is I just don’t like doing it. I’ll clean then do something which will take it right back to messy. I know I should clean up after I’m done with something. I don’t really have certain spots for things so maybe my first step would to be make sure everything has it’s own spot.

As for exercising, I go through like cycles to were I’ll want to work out everyday to I go weeks without working out. It’s quite frustrating.

I’m trying to utilize my time more so I can have a more fulfilling life. I don’t want to live like a robot either. I really wish I could have a real transformation that stays. One day at a time.

Healing the Hope

Recently, I had to walk away from a relationship. I’m still heartbroken over it. We weren’t romantically involved but we were close for many years. With this heartache, I have learned something very revealing about myself and my relationships with others.

Hope…it is a dangerous thing, you know…it keeps the nearly dead even alive. When I try to meet guys, I try to find a guy whom I have connection with also physical attraction. I have this pattern of when my relationships end poorly, I have a hard time letting go and moving on. I am aware of this and I understand how toxic it can be for me and for others.

The point to all of this is to acknowledge that I need to heal the hope I had. I need allow myself to grieve the loss of something that was never going to happen. At the same time, I need to acknowledge just because I was hoping something was going to happened doesn’t mean it would.

What I need to do is move on with my life. I need to not worry about what could happen or what I want. It’s time to focus healing the hope. The hope is what keeps it alive. The hope that maybe some day it’ll work out or he’ll show up at my door or call me up. Hoping for that big gesture.

I’m not going to let misplaced hope drag me down. Instead I will use the time to find a connection with myself again. Everything will work out. I will work on myself one day at a time. I was talking to someone the other day about dating and they asked me why I’m struggling with meeting new guys. I told them that I don’t feel attractive enough for the guys I’m attractive to and that I don’t try hard enough. Or I go to the extreme and I don’t know the balance yet.

There are some things I would do differently in my life. I do struggle with fatigue some days. Not necessarily laziness but my body is just not in the mood to do what I need to. While I lack motivation some days. I would like to work on my appearance so I look more well groomed as though I have respect for my hygiene. And I would like to lose weight to show respect towards my body.

But hope, man does cause a lot of heartache for me. It’s not the same as expectations. Hope does not have a specific outcome instead you can hope for a better future, it doesn’t give you insight to what that intel. I would like to change up my life a little bit more along with my relationship with myself.  As some would say live a little.

Hope…it sure is a powerful emotions that can linger on. ****

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I have created a video with a voice over, being able to let my emotions out in a creative outlet is such a stress reliever. It also helps me to get it out into the world as though I’m not alone and that it’ll be out there forever.

A friend or foe blog: New Chapter – Fall time

Starting this month, I am going to be doing some new accountability and creativity in my life. This will follow through into my blog. I am looking forward to this but also understand this is tentative. I have an idea but at the same time my life is going through a new transition in a sense so it may not work out the way I want it. Below are the things I want to do to my best ability. I am not making any promises but they are the goals I am working towards. Hopefully I can figure out the layout on my blog to make it look organized also.

Goals I have this fall (September – December)

  1. Hike weekly (backpacking trip at the end of November) this is something I’ve been wanting to do for years but now that I’m more financially stable and more confident I feel like its the best time to do it! Fingers crossed I meet some friends along the way.
  2. Saving money as always but I currently have a new job that I am being paid perfectly for me and my lifestyle. But I would like to save up money, eventually would like to attend a wellness retreat next week (when covid finally chills down)
  3. Losing weight as always but I want to get more serious with keto again. I want to work on my relationship with food.

Of course these are things I have to fit into my work schedule. I’m hoping this fall brings new opportunities and good people into my life. I want have fun this fall. I want to work on my own relationship with myself. Heal all wounds that prevent me from having the life I want. Unload some baggage.

As always I am working on one day at a time, one task at a time. It truly helps with my anxiety and when I get too caught up into life. I look forward to what I can achieve this fall and I look forward to sharing it with the world.

Broken Hearts

I’ve been a heartbroken lately. My life has had many highs and lows. I’ve become good at just living one day at a time. I don’t plan too far ahead as I’m not even sure how my life is going to be in a month. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing I’ve just become able to handle life better than I think I ever have. I may live a lonely life yet I am not lonely. I do wish I had more friends or connections but I also know I’m not great at relationships in general. I’ll need the right people in my life. I will definitely be stepping out of my comfort zone soon just for right now I’m trying to breath.

My heart is broken because here I took a chance or a leap of faith on something rather someone. I spent time trying to get myself not to panic and be afraid. All that strength and powering through the unknown I ended up receiving poor undeserved treatment. For someone to cause unnecessary suffering for no real reason than the person not wanting to think things through. I will not go into details as it is still a fresh story, maybe one day I’ll write out that story. I am trying to stay level minded while allowing myself to feel hurt. For once in my life I am allowing myself to feel hurt. I am so proud of myself for this instead of hiding from it or being angry. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But for the first time in my life during this year I have learned how to know when to walk away from someone and move on. To not overreact instead be patient and wait and see. I just hope I don’t end up regretting it. I do need to do something different my life, I do agree I need more friends and try new things. The thing is I’m not there yet, I almost am though. And I don’t feel like my life has really started yet. Almost like I’m a late bloomer and my best years are yet to come.

I had my heartbroken and I’m trying to mend it. I am allowing myself to feel hurt and to sit with it. To cry it out, to flush it out of my system. I’m soothing myself but I know in a few days I will need to pick myself back up and get back at it. I will make sure it doesn’t last too long but right now I just don’t want to deal with it. I want to allow myself the time to feel it so it doesn’t bother me later. I don’t know where that leads to but all I know is I’m focused on the present. That’s life and maybe one day soon I’ll be thanking myself more. I am going to stand by my gut and sometimes I may be wrong but that’s okay because that’s life. If I made all the right choices I would live a boring life as life is trial and error.

Been Feeling Frustrated.

Within the past weeks I would say almost everyday I have felt frustrated. Frustrated at being stuck at 18lbs lost, my job, my social life, and well life in general. I feel like I’m moving in life through mud with each step I take. I see people having it way easier than me while I can’t even catch a break. I don’t want life to be easy but I don’t want to be hard everyday. I try to stick to that motto of one day at a time but life has been testing me recently. I keep in mind I can’t control everything and that things happen. Right now though, I’m stuck in this funk of frustration.

Funk of frustration, that has a ring to it. Not saying my life is bad or that I’m taking things for granted. I am thankful for what I have, trust me I am. From where I stand I am lucky for what I have, its things that I am missing that are causing this. MORE, MORE give me more…no I’m kidding. Though some more money would help me out.

Maybe the frustration is a mask for insecurity. Maybe it’s to indicate that I am too comfortable and scared to reach out. I don’t know. Could mean a lot of reasons. I do feel this sense of pressure to turn my life around. I have a job, live on my own, take care of myself. Yet, I am alone and not in a job that I’m happy with. I wish I had more friends, real ones that don’t bring drama into my life but instead support and fun. And I wish I found that guy who would understand who I am.

“Look, I’m not the one with the problem, okay? It’s the world that seems to have a problem with ME! People take one look at me and go “Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!” They judge me before they even know me – that’s why I’m better off alone…”

SHREK

I’m frustrated and alone trying to conquer the world. It can be quite heavy at times and sometimes I wish I had someone I could unpack the load to. Even if its just for a night. Sure, hobbies are great but they don’t love you back. Maybe I’m frustrated because while I’m bettering myself I have no one to share it with. No one to say ‘good job, I love you for you.” Attention from people is one thing but the attention from the right person is everything.

Part of me thinks it’s my subconscious trying to tell me something. Inside my mind and soul feels like it is better to be alone. It’s actually easier than being with the wrong people. How does one find the right people if you close yourself off?

I’m not sure how to get out of my funk of frustration. Maybe it shall pass here soon. I hope it does.

Moving on from someone who is still there…

How does one move on from someone who is still there every day? You have to be around this person that caused you betrayal and humiliation. They seem to have no accountability for the things that they had done. In a way, I am figuring that one out. I don’t think I’ve had to let someone go when I have to see them everyday. Majority of the time when any relationship ends you both end up going your separate ways, at least in my experience. This reminds me of someone who once told me they always stay friends with their exes and have no regrets. But by the way, him and I don’t speak to each other anymore.

One thing I’ve learned is you have to feel the pain. Acknowledge that you were hurt. You can’t shove it down and hope you just get over it. With all things, eventually you will let it go but that time length really does depend upon yourself. As humans we want to be loved and there is no shame in that. It’s in our hardware and when we go through the rejection it can cause havoc on our internal selves.

But my serious question is how do I let go of someone who I have to see everyday? In my mind the steps would be to feel the pain, accept it, forgive yourself and them. Try to find closure with or without them. That’s where I’m halted. But then I skip over to time.

How does one not care anymore? Ever heard of that saying that if you try to not think about the elephant in the room it’ll end up being the only thing you think about? That’s probably where I am at. I don’t want to see them or think about it so the elephant gets louder. That’s where I struggle to let things go, I can’t seem to ignore the elephant in the room.

Letting go is probably one the hardest things for me to do. It’s easier when something is out sight out of mind but in this case I don’t get that option. At least not for a while. Eventually people won’t notice anymore and I’ll find the peace that I am desiring right now. I want it now though. Impatience and stubbornness is standing in my way. But in this one situation I declare that I truly do just want to let it go.

Deep down I know what that means. It’s the red door all over again. The skeletons in the closet that I have refused to deal with. But with this situation I do want to deal with it and let it go. I want to wake up and it not be on my mind anymore. Maybe that’s what making the elephant louder.

I do have days where I have moved on and there is progress in my psyche. Then there are moments that get to me. It was something that happened so fast yet the consequences lingered for so long. If it’s my mind that is holding me back then I treat my mind. I don’t need to find the external fixes but look within myself as to why I’m not moving on.

It has nothing to do with him and everything to do with my self. I am not comfortable with him around which is a normal response but he is there whether he wants to be or not. It’s not the man you can’t move on from but from the feeling of betrayal and humiliation. By not letting go I am being destructive towards my life. If I want to better my life, letting go is a necessity.

While I have forgiven myself, I need to give myself more compassion. The trick to letting someone go when you have to see them everyday is simple. Live your life, show yourself love and compassion. When it starts to bother you, tell yourself to stop and read or listen to something that makes you laugh or even smile.

This all probably won’t even matter in five months, probably not even in five weeks. The trick is let things be as they are so you can leave them behind. Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. And sometimes the right thing to do is to let it go.

With that in mind, I am choosing to let things go, let things be as they are, and not allow the thought of someone to continue to have power over my mind and body. In those moments of weakness I know to turn to something that will make me laugh or smile. I am saying no to the “ifs” and the feeling of being prepared if something happens. Instead I chose to live in the present and show myself more love and compassion. As I am only human with my own flaws, life without mistakes wouldn’t be a life at all.

The real test will be when I don’t even notice him. That is the moment I am waiting for. The memory of what happened is almost gone well it’s becoming distant. I have 50 million versions of him in my mind and I know soon one day they’ll be forgotten ghosts. This is not a lesson or situation I want to remember when I’m older. This is one I want to properly deal with so I can let it all go. So many ways that this could play out but none of them matter because the only thing that matter is here and right now.

One day at a time…

When I am in your arms I know I am home. No matter where we are as long as I know you are there I am home. You are my home and adventure all at once. I would move mountains for you. I would embrace every inch of your soul for you to feel mine.

You have been the light at the end of the tunnel. You have been the breath of fresh air after drowning. Be still and know that I am here. I will always be waiting for you when you come home.

Losing Weight on Keto Diet with Thyroid Disease and Resistance Training…

I am overly excited to be writing this entry. I thought it would never come true. This is a personal update to how my progress on my health has been going. I’m constantly writing about my struggles to be a healthier person, but this is one time I feel like I’m succeeding. Also want to warn many that if you make any drastic changes to your health or diet or even exercise let your primary physician know. They need to know for any complications, or they may even have an idea on what would work for you instead of the internet.

It has been seventeen days since I have started a keto diet and have stuck to a resistance training program. With thyroid disease, doing intense cardio work out can cause issues and I really needed to build some muscle. My recent job, it has me sitting at a desk all day too. I wanted results and I needed them fast for my thyroid and blood pressure.

I already know a lot about the KETO diet and I loved it the first time. For some reason I am not a big fan of bread and simple carbs. Even when I was kid bread just wasn’t my thing. I would say my weaknesses are sweets and potatoes. Also, lately, soda has been a weakness. I think because I’m not big into water. I acknowledge the foods I love and the foods I don’t love. Along I acknowledge healthy vs unhealthy.

I will say something; you can have something unhealthy every once in a blue moon. It just shouldn’t be in your diet every day or even every week. When you put that on your body everyday that food piles on fast. I would also say I’m about 90% gluten free.

My experience with keto is simple. My appetite has decreased, I don’t overeat as much, I have more energy, my cravings are easier to manage, I make sure to eat certain foods to help fuel my body instead of just eating. My body aches less and I can think clearer. My blood pressure is almost back to normal. My overall mood is better. And I feel better in my own skin. It’s easier for me to stick to Keto.

Now I still have some diet habits that I still need to work on but that’s okay. It’s better because I didn’t go too drastic with things. I didn’t want to restrict myself which I really haven’t. Other than potatoes.

The second thing that has helped….my resistance training program. It’s free and I found it on youtube. It’s been amazing. My body is doing things I never thought I could. Screw just losing weight, my body is getting definition and my muscles are building. It’s amazing because I have less headaches too from sitting all day. My body feels stronger. At first, I was like this isn’t going to work for me but even after 3 days I could feel a difference. It also is easy to fit into my schedule. I lost momentum for only 2 days but still attempted the workouts.

This is something I am sticking to. This is something I am succeeding at. I will have my failing moments but overall I am succeeding. I have lost the most amount of weight since I’ve had thyroid disease. I lost it in a short time but I am not starving myself. I am eating healthy and I am working out. Its like a sigh of relief because I think I finally found something that will help me. Something I am good at that will achieve the goal. I look forward to staying on track everyday.

My motto is simple ONE DAY AT A TIME. I’m not thinking months or even pounds ahead. I’m staying focused on the present and how I can continue to keep making healthy decisions. I even have support this time. It’s going great for me with this and I hope I don’t fall off track or give up. I know there will be a time when I hit a plateau but I am ready to face that. I deserve to be happy and healthy. One day at a time.

The link for the workout program I use is http://igorvoitenko.com/from0to100 go check him out; this is amazing what this man has put together!

Do You Remember?

I remember the day you and I met,

Very vividly actually

From all of those I’ve known, and I’ve met

you’re the only I remember.

I remember the moment I liked you

The giddiness and the crush

Alongside fear

The first time I felt you.

The first time you told me you missed me.

I remember the night we met

Reading into every move you made

Hoping you would say something

You lying on the ground looking at me

And I felt safe

I remember that day on the bench

The internal conflict

Should we be friends or more

I remember walking away

Feeling okay

You wanting me in your lfie.

I remember the night we spent together

It was a perfect night indeed

I wasn’t ready for it to end

I wanted to stay in your arms.

I remember the moment it ended.

The tears in your eyes

And I couldn’t breathe,

When the door closed.

You didn’t choose me.

I remember trying to piece back what we could

To savage from the heartache

And all of the resentment

The look in your eyes

The tone in your voice.

I always hope to see you again

For you to hold me in your arms

Feel my fingers on your skin

To feel that spark in that one kiss

You meant everything to me

I thought you would always be around

My heart stills beats for you

And since that night we met.

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