My first time with Keto Flu

The past few days I have been following a strict keto diet. I’m going to be honest, it’s been a struggle. The withdrawals have gotten to me. I’ve had irritability, headache, muscle cramp, and even brain fog. It’s been awful. I hate it but I know it’s an electrolyte imbalance because last time I struggled with the imbalance beforehand. I’m hating the muscle cramps and aches. I even left to go the store late at night for some potassium because that seems to be the only mineral I don’t have in a supplement form.

The afternoon irritability has made driving home from work even more fun… I’m pretty sure it’ll be over by the weekend but man it sucks. Though one good thing, my stomach hasn’t been bloated. I’ve also been drinking a lot of water…like a lot for me. I just need to get through this week. I actually read something very entertaining that has helped both my post break up blues and my keto.

“Carbohydrates are like your body’s version of your first love. They provide so much comfort, sweetness, and easy energy that we spend most of our time with them. It feels so right, it feels like true love, but it is mostly lust. The kind of lust that increases our risk of diabetes, heart disease, and obesity. This is why breaking up with carbohydrates is a good idea for many people.

But — just like with any breakup — it is difficult at first. You crave them and yearn for them. It is so heart breaking — not because you needed them, but because you are so used to living with them.

This made me laugh at first because yes this describes my previous relationship and my relationship with food. It helped me put more perspective on my life. Hopefully, I can get over my keto flu. This has been the longest week. I tried to make some fat bombs but they did not turn out well. I bought some keto brownies for my sweet tooth. I also finally found a recipe to make cheese crisps. I am not working out for the next few days but I have been doing some stretches. I also think some of my irritability is from post break up blues. I’m ready to move on and I can tell I’m being impatient. I need to learn to focus on the moment more. One day at a time.

Keto 2000000th time?

I love the keto diet. I do, I always lose a lot of weight and my health is always better for it. Being low carb for me has tremendously helped my stomach issues. As I’m growing older the more sensitive my stomach is becoming. It’s quiet annoying but even my father has the same issues so I should expect the same food sensitivities as him. I’ve tried keto countless times, I always end up losing 20lbs then gain back about 10lbs. I need to stop doing that but recently I made a huge decision in my life. One that I think will help me stay consistent in weight loss. I do have to say my mental health has been improving even. I still struggle with anxiety every once in a while but I feel more equipped to handle it. I’ve improved my coping skills and I think that’s why I am getting better at sticking at keto. I am not going to give up and keto is my favorite diet.

Now, each time I do keto I do pay attention to were I struggle with. Overall I would say laziness but in the sense that I don’t want to cook everyday and that I give into cravings. Another thing I struggle with is eating food with people. So I’m doing keto again but as the quote states “insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results,” I will be changing up how I do my keto. One, I hate keeping daily track of everything I eat down to the macros so I’ll probably keep up with my food journal which I have been using for the past two weeks. Except, I am just going to literally write the date and what I ate. That’s it. Then I bought an electrolyte mix to help with that and BHB pills. I also bought some fat bomb mix so I have something to help with cravings. I also have to remember that I’m not giving up foods, I am simply choosing to eat certain foods to get into ketosis and I want some fries every once in awhile then I can. I’m not going to drastic of forcing myself not to eat something. It’s hard to stay on keto when you want to just give into those easy convenient decisions that end up making you gain weight.

I am far from a perfect person, I’m actually lazy especially if something doesn’t stimulate my mind. But I actually have found some motivational tools (one of them is kind of mean) and I think this time I can make it pass two months.

There are two things I’m missing that would help me with keto…my why (a real hard cold reason why I want to lose weight) and rewards. I’m actually bad at rewarding myself, I’ve messed up that part of my brain by consuming certain foods whenever I want. Or it’s because I’m perfectionist that isn’t perfect majority of the time so I end up being hard on myself. I’m my own worst enemy *que the music.* What I want to happen and what will happen never ends up being the same thing. I’m trying to decide how to go about this in a psychology sense. Like tricking my mind sort of thing. Maybe if I wrote a letter to my future self?

I don’t know but I’m glad to be going back into the keto diet and watching for me to reach ketosis. Each time I do it I end up into ketosis pretty soon and it gets easier and easier. Maybe this time it’ll stick which gives me another great idea. I have so many great ideas, I just wish I was good at executing them better.

One day at a time and we shall see…

One of my biggest struggles with weight loss…

I’ve written so many blog posts on my struggles with weight loss. I have about a million at this point and some of which are completely true while others are excuses. But without a doubt I struggle the most with follow through or consistency. I give up too easily or I give in temptations too easily. Or there are some days I’m just lazy. I wouldn’t bet money on me losing money and maybe the lack of confidence is a key indicator. Though the times I have been successful especially when I hit 160lbs in college, each of those times I’ve been able to focus on myself. Basically I’m saying I didn’t have any drama going on and was able to follow through without negative people around me.

I’m a single woman, I wish I was in a serious relationship but I know I can’t get that until I start to take care of myself. With that in mind, I think by focusing on myself for a time period I’ll be able to lose weight. But it’s hard being on your own and alone. But I am hoping to lose weight again like I did in may. We shall see and I need to remember one day at a time.

Weight Loss with Supplements

*this is for personal use only, not to be used as an official documentation or references; please always speak with your provider before making any dietary or health related changes*

In 2019, I was diagnosed with subacute thyroiditis. Months before I had gained up to 50lbs and felt like I had the flu everyday. I would be so tired all the time. My neck was even slightly swollen yet my ultrasound did not show anything major going on. For the past two years I have been working towards finding the right numbers, I have yet to reach optimal thyroid levels. It’s quite frustrating. I personally think that if I could lose some of my weight and eat better then it would help my thyroid. I’ve been working on my mental health too.

Well my biggest issue with any diets is I trouble with sticking to them. I’m going to be real, I get lazy and give up. I know not to overeat and to be careful about what I eat but I still struggle with it. I do have to say I eat a lot better than many years before me but some of that is because my stomach struggles with a lot of foods now. My favorite diet was keto diet but the cooking everyday and cleaning for a single person was becoming too much work. It’s a constant battle for me, if only I was rich enough to have my own home chef. With that being said, I am trying to find something that will help me a bit more to be able to stick to any diet I follow. I really just need my appetite to decrease.

I looked more into trying Glucomannan (a dietary fiber found in shitake noodles), it is a fiber that you take when you eat before a meal that expands in your stomach during digestion so you feel more full. There is no current FDA studies to prove that it helps with weight loss but in theory it should help with fullness to help with overeating. Along with taking vitamin D to help with my thyroid.

I am trying another experiment. Keto BHB help my appetite and I’m hoping glucomannan help also. I will only be weighing myself twice a week (monday morning and friday morning). I’m hoping to see some progress. I’m currently starting a new job so when that get’s more steady schedule then I’ll work towards working out everyday again. I’ve been doing at least 2-3 miles walks every weekend.

I will adding the results when I have some. But from my research, the glucomannan is expected to cause 5.5lbs lost in eight weeks with no changes to diet or exercise. I’m looking forward to seeing some result good or bad.

Keeping up with life

Recently I started a new job and I am loving it. So many green flags and not that many red flags. Its the first job I’ve had were I actually feel like I’m in the right position. I also work with a great team so that’ll help also. I’m really hoping that after training everything will finally fit and come together. Its funny because this is the first time I don’t feel stressed about my job and I’m enjoying the present. Not worrying about the future….

As for my health, I could do better. I recently figured out that I’ve let my soda habit get a bit out of control. I don’t know why but I really don’t like drinking just water. That is something I’ve struggled with all my life. I can’t help but to think my water consumption has played a part in my obesity. Well lack of water. I know I struggled with inflammation by eating high carbs and processed food but I also feel like I am someone who mistakes thirst for hunger.

Now I’m currently trying to clean up my apartment and get rid of majority of my things. I have too much for a single person. I have so much useless junk in my apartment it’s starting to annoy me. I’m hoping by cutting down on the junk it’ll make my life just a bit easier.

As for my eating, I’m thinking of going back to goal achieving. I don’t want to live a life where I just go to work and come home. I want to try to different things every night. I am a zombie when I get home, I change into comfy clothes and sit down to watch tv. I don’t want to do that everyday anymore. I’m okay with the tv playing in the background but I would like to work focusing my time and energy on more productive things. I get I use the down time as a coping mechanism but I’m not really coping when I’m not dealing with things.

Getting over my cleaning issue. I don’t know why but I absolutely hate cleaning all the time. Part of it is my adhd because I’m quite messy but some of it is I just don’t like doing it. I’ll clean then do something which will take it right back to messy. I know I should clean up after I’m done with something. I don’t really have certain spots for things so maybe my first step would to be make sure everything has it’s own spot.

As for exercising, I go through like cycles to were I’ll want to work out everyday to I go weeks without working out. It’s quite frustrating.

I’m trying to utilize my time more so I can have a more fulfilling life. I don’t want to live like a robot either. I really wish I could have a real transformation that stays. One day at a time.

Healing the Hope

Recently, I had to walk away from a relationship. I’m still heartbroken over it. We weren’t romantically involved but we were close for many years. With this heartache, I have learned something very revealing about myself and my relationships with others.

Hope…it is a dangerous thing, you know…it keeps the nearly dead even alive. When I try to meet guys, I try to find a guy whom I have connection with also physical attraction. I have this pattern of when my relationships end poorly, I have a hard time letting go and moving on. I am aware of this and I understand how toxic it can be for me and for others.

The point to all of this is to acknowledge that I need to heal the hope I had. I need allow myself to grieve the loss of something that was never going to happen. At the same time, I need to acknowledge just because I was hoping something was going to happened doesn’t mean it would.

What I need to do is move on with my life. I need to not worry about what could happen or what I want. It’s time to focus healing the hope. The hope is what keeps it alive. The hope that maybe some day it’ll work out or he’ll show up at my door or call me up. Hoping for that big gesture.

I’m not going to let misplaced hope drag me down. Instead I will use the time to find a connection with myself again. Everything will work out. I will work on myself one day at a time. I was talking to someone the other day about dating and they asked me why I’m struggling with meeting new guys. I told them that I don’t feel attractive enough for the guys I’m attractive to and that I don’t try hard enough. Or I go to the extreme and I don’t know the balance yet.

There are some things I would do differently in my life. I do struggle with fatigue some days. Not necessarily laziness but my body is just not in the mood to do what I need to. While I lack motivation some days. I would like to work on my appearance so I look more well groomed as though I have respect for my hygiene. And I would like to lose weight to show respect towards my body.

But hope, man does cause a lot of heartache for me. It’s not the same as expectations. Hope does not have a specific outcome instead you can hope for a better future, it doesn’t give you insight to what that intel. I would like to change up my life a little bit more along with my relationship with myself.  As some would say live a little.

Hope…it sure is a powerful emotions that can linger on. ****


I have created a video with a voice over, being able to let my emotions out in a creative outlet is such a stress reliever. It also helps me to get it out into the world as though I’m not alone and that it’ll be out there forever.

A friend or foe blog: New Chapter – Fall time

Starting this month, I am going to be doing some new accountability and creativity in my life. This will follow through into my blog. I am looking forward to this but also understand this is tentative. I have an idea but at the same time my life is going through a new transition in a sense so it may not work out the way I want it. Below are the things I want to do to my best ability. I am not making any promises but they are the goals I am working towards. Hopefully I can figure out the layout on my blog to make it look organized also.

Goals I have this fall (September – December)

  1. Hike weekly (backpacking trip at the end of November) this is something I’ve been wanting to do for years but now that I’m more financially stable and more confident I feel like its the best time to do it! Fingers crossed I meet some friends along the way.
  2. Saving money as always but I currently have a new job that I am being paid perfectly for me and my lifestyle. But I would like to save up money, eventually would like to attend a wellness retreat next week (when covid finally chills down)
  3. Losing weight as always but I want to get more serious with keto again. I want to work on my relationship with food.

Of course these are things I have to fit into my work schedule. I’m hoping this fall brings new opportunities and good people into my life. I want have fun this fall. I want to work on my own relationship with myself. Heal all wounds that prevent me from having the life I want. Unload some baggage.

As always I am working on one day at a time, one task at a time. It truly helps with my anxiety and when I get too caught up into life. I look forward to what I can achieve this fall and I look forward to sharing it with the world.

Broken Hearts

I’ve been a heartbroken lately. My life has had many highs and lows. I’ve become good at just living one day at a time. I don’t plan too far ahead as I’m not even sure how my life is going to be in a month. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing I’ve just become able to handle life better than I think I ever have. I may live a lonely life yet I am not lonely. I do wish I had more friends or connections but I also know I’m not great at relationships in general. I’ll need the right people in my life. I will definitely be stepping out of my comfort zone soon just for right now I’m trying to breath.

My heart is broken because here I took a chance or a leap of faith on something rather someone. I spent time trying to get myself not to panic and be afraid. All that strength and powering through the unknown I ended up receiving poor undeserved treatment. For someone to cause unnecessary suffering for no real reason than the person not wanting to think things through. I will not go into details as it is still a fresh story, maybe one day I’ll write out that story. I am trying to stay level minded while allowing myself to feel hurt. For once in my life I am allowing myself to feel hurt. I am so proud of myself for this instead of hiding from it or being angry. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But for the first time in my life during this year I have learned how to know when to walk away from someone and move on. To not overreact instead be patient and wait and see. I just hope I don’t end up regretting it. I do need to do something different my life, I do agree I need more friends and try new things. The thing is I’m not there yet, I almost am though. And I don’t feel like my life has really started yet. Almost like I’m a late bloomer and my best years are yet to come.

I had my heartbroken and I’m trying to mend it. I am allowing myself to feel hurt and to sit with it. To cry it out, to flush it out of my system. I’m soothing myself but I know in a few days I will need to pick myself back up and get back at it. I will make sure it doesn’t last too long but right now I just don’t want to deal with it. I want to allow myself the time to feel it so it doesn’t bother me later. I don’t know where that leads to but all I know is I’m focused on the present. That’s life and maybe one day soon I’ll be thanking myself more. I am going to stand by my gut and sometimes I may be wrong but that’s okay because that’s life. If I made all the right choices I would live a boring life as life is trial and error.

20lbs in 2 months- KETO STYLE

Drum roll please….I have lost 20lbs in 2 months. I am so proud of myself. All the great things I’ve changed in my life have helped me tremendously. So where to start? Let me first say this, not all diets work the same for everyone. We all have our own schedules and issues that it’s hard to mimic someone else’s lifestyle. The one major thing I discovered is you have to find a way to get the healthy choices to fit into your life. Keep that mentality to take one day at a time. We constantly are surrounded by food, good and bad. It’s about being able to control yourself. I didn’t try to force myself to get up foods instead I focused on what I should be eating.

Keto was perfect for me. I already don’t like pizza, cakes, bread, or anything heavy on my stomach. I had already started to give up gluten since I noticed it was effecting my health. I also began to listen to my body. One bad habit of mine would be after work I would eat a large meal at night as a way to cope from the day. I also noticed I am someone who fills up my plate with a lot of food (even if I’m not hungry) and then I would feel guilty for wasting it so I ate it all. I have stopped doing that. I don’t need a 5 course meal everyday. It’s okay that you have a snack at dinner because you’re not that hungry. Or it’s okay to have just that vegetable and protein. I also have helped my body notice when I’m hungry or when I want food.

I still eat out and I still drink alcohol but I do both responsibility. I don’t need to stuff my face and feel miserable afterwards. I do have to say I look at food so differently than I ever have before. I think about what’s going in my body and if it’s going to upset it. I think about do I really need this?

Here’s some things that have changed for me all because of ketosis. Oh but just know after doing ketosis so much it’s so much easier to get back into it, I am able to cycle in and out now.

  1. I don’t eat as much when I increase my protein and fat. I am actually less hungry when I don’t eat too many carbs and have way less cravings. But I still get cravings and I try to listen to them. One example is sushi, if I’m craving sushi like a lot I’m going to get myself some sushi.
  2. My plate has gotten smaller. I have worked on proportion control way more now than ever. If I want something I don’t a huge scoop, start small and if I’m still hungry then I’ll go from there. But by time I eat I forget to get more anyway.

I am looking forward to losing some more weight and I hope that I can do so.

Let Me Be

There you always are,

I see you showing up anytime.

A coincidence, I think not.

Pattern begins to form and I can’t get away.

My heart is racing and I can’t breathe

As I wonder what you’re going to do to me.

I can’t break free.

I am an animal trapped in a cage.

Why won’t you let me be?

Try to control me all you want

But in life karma will always come

She’ll knock on your door and ask

Remember me? Remember what you did

Now it’s your turn to feel what you gave.

I beg, I plead, let me be.

I can only hide for so long.

I can only handle so much.

I keep screaming

Let me be.

Don’t step near me, don’t even look at me.

Please oh please let me be.

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