Broken Hearts

I’ve been a heartbroken lately. My life has had many highs and lows. I’ve become good at just living one day at a time. I don’t plan too far ahead as I’m not even sure how my life is going to be in a month. And I’m not saying that’s a bad thing I’ve just become able to handle life better than I think I ever have. I may live a lonely life yet I am not lonely. I do wish I had more friends or connections but I also know I’m not great at relationships in general. I’ll need the right people in my life. I will definitely be stepping out of my comfort zone soon just for right now I’m trying to breath.

My heart is broken because here I took a chance or a leap of faith on something rather someone. I spent time trying to get myself not to panic and be afraid. All that strength and powering through the unknown I ended up receiving poor undeserved treatment. For someone to cause unnecessary suffering for no real reason than the person not wanting to think things through. I will not go into details as it is still a fresh story, maybe one day I’ll write out that story. I am trying to stay level minded while allowing myself to feel hurt. For once in my life I am allowing myself to feel hurt. I am so proud of myself for this instead of hiding from it or being angry. I don’t know what I’m going to do. But for the first time in my life during this year I have learned how to know when to walk away from someone and move on. To not overreact instead be patient and wait and see. I just hope I don’t end up regretting it. I do need to do something different my life, I do agree I need more friends and try new things. The thing is I’m not there yet, I almost am though. And I don’t feel like my life has really started yet. Almost like I’m a late bloomer and my best years are yet to come.

I had my heartbroken and I’m trying to mend it. I am allowing myself to feel hurt and to sit with it. To cry it out, to flush it out of my system. I’m soothing myself but I know in a few days I will need to pick myself back up and get back at it. I will make sure it doesn’t last too long but right now I just don’t want to deal with it. I want to allow myself the time to feel it so it doesn’t bother me later. I don’t know where that leads to but all I know is I’m focused on the present. That’s life and maybe one day soon I’ll be thanking myself more. I am going to stand by my gut and sometimes I may be wrong but that’s okay because that’s life. If I made all the right choices I would live a boring life as life is trial and error.