Nighttime thoughts

Funny isn’t it? How we go through our lives without knowing what others are thinking then we end up having to rely on the words they speak. Or even the actions they play out. It’s a curious thing sometimes to try to think of another person’s life. We began to think we know them but in reality we won’t exactly know what went through their heads. We go off of their reactions. Off the body language. Or even the indirect indecisiveness.

Humans want to be loved and love in return. And it’s okay even though many of us don’t think we deserve love. Our brains are constantly racing and worrying about what happens next. Life can be so loud and uncontrollable. Are we really the writers to our stories? Or is it everyone around us?

It’s a strange feeling to think that there is a life without us from the past and the future. For those who have stepped before us and for those that have yet to come. Aren’t we just going around in circles? Astronomically we are but what if that’s how time really works?

I’ll look up into the starry night sky and I’ll see the vast of the unknown. Then I’ll begin to wonder if there’s something more to everything. The ghosts of my past will sit next to me to remind me of my mistakes. They’ll sit in silence knowing how the presence alone makes me feel. I’ll see a star shoot through the navy blue evening sky. Flashes of sadness will linger. I’ll look around for him hiding behind the tree. The wound will tingle from phantom pain. I’ll want to run away but I stay froze in place.

Closing my eyes, I smell the woods and the grass. I’ll hear the crickets and birds. My body feeling numb. We don’t always get to write the chapters in our lives, there maybe someone who comes in plays out their role. And take over the chapter that’ll feel like a novel. Then one day it’ll be like a dream, a distant memory. Then I’ll take that deep breath to bring myself back to reality.