Left Out

Lately, I’ve been getting out more and with that it comes at a cost. I was able to meet a few people who we were all hanging out but drama seemed to get in the way. Of course I’m blamed for the drama. I’ve tried to keep calm about being the scapegoat for other’s mistakes but it’s starting to get to me.

I’m the one last thought of. I’m the one who isn’t concerned and I ask myself why. I think because I’m not as willing to do spontaneous things because of the consequences and the cost. I also am not going to act stupid in order to have “fun.” You can be smart and have fun. And I guess because I don’t easily open up. I can be sometimes tensed and not a go with the follow.

It’s starting to bother me and maybe I’m just not around the right people. I wish I could find the right crowd and I really wish I knew what kind of crowd that would be. I want to have fun but I also want to be realistic. I thought I found a group of people to spend time with but I guess I was wrong. I’ve already been purposely left out.

I wish I could find a group of people I fit in but frankly I don’t think I’ve found the right group. You know its the kind of group you hang out with it, make plans, lift you up, have your back, and there to enjoy life. I just don’t know how to find the right group. And I wish someone would find me.

When you’re all alone and you don’t know how to meet people it can be quite daunting to say the least. I really wish I was so socially awkward around people but I am. Maybe one day I’ll meet the right people and have the fun I so eagerly wish I had.